Archive for the 'Woot' Category
The Computer For The Cool Kids I do most of my reading in line at this place called Burrito Camión, so I love my HP TouchPad 32GB Wi-Fi Tablet. Yeah, that’s right, a taco truck with Wi-Fi! The first day it pulled up outside my hip, newly gentrified apartment it was like I had died and gone to Heaven. But naturally, in a cutting-edge youth-oriented neighborhood like ...
Just one more job. He was a retired assassin, living the good life and watching TV... “Shade.” “Colonel Starbreak. What are you doing here?” “I’m here looking for a man of your…talents.” “I’m retired from the Special Forces, Colonel. And from the life of a black market assassin.” “Well, I can- Holy crap, you weren’t kidding about...
Back On The Pull List Some time later, at the long table within the Penthouse of Evil, members of the Chaos Conglomerate await a very special arrival… The Yellow Detonator : All I’m saying is that, as the mirror version of The Ogre , one would assume you’d talk, you know, normally . Nega-Ogre : RRWWWARRGMONNMO ! The Drunk Heckler : Hey. HEY ! That d...
Maybe we should focus group this a little more. Here’s a slogan for ya: it’s better than trash! You spent what, $400 on that fancy iPad 2? Maybe you just plunked down $500 on one of those “The New iPads” everyone’s excited about. And yet what do you do when you’re trying to watch a movie on an airplane or play a late night game of Fruit Ninja in...
Carve Out Some Space Great news, honey! Now that we’ve replaced our desktop PC, we can use the desk to display my collection of erotic woodcarvings! I think my skills as a woodcarver, and as an artistic interpreter of sensual love, are finally ready to show the world. And just in time, too. Now that this Samsung Quad-Core Laptop has brought 4GB of DDR3 memory, an ...
Not All Mommies Are External Today I, the Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum System, am celebrating my motherboard. Yes, fleshlings. You feel attachment to the loving shell from which you spawned, but you will never know the joy a robot feels for its motherboard. Because, unlike you, a Neato XV-12 All Floor Robotic Vacuum System such as myself will never “leave the...
Game Over It’s like a game console that doesn’t play games. And some of us like it like that. People always say, why a Roku? Why not a PS3 or a Wii? They stream video and play games. Those people don’t know about my past. They don’t know that I’m a recovered World of Warcraft addict. I’ve learned, in my ongoing sessions with Dr. Krylon, that it’s...
Who’s Stealing From Whom I always wanted to make a crime film. That’s why I bought the Zmodo 4 CH/Camera 500GB Surveillance System. sneak sneak stuff stuff stuff sneak sneak sneak CUT ! Okay, can we get some light in here, please? “Wha- what’s going on?” Listen, thiefy-baby. That part where you slid in the window was great, just great, but whe...
Let’s go live to the action! It’s a tablets, ladders, and chairs match! Hello again, ladies and gentlemen! Jack Grapple here, alongside 46-time American Samoa/Polynesian Title Holder, “Darling” Darryl Dangle! We’re coming to you LIVE from the Holmes Dome in Moriarty, New Mexico, and we’re about to kick off the Main Event here at Manimalicious 2012! ...
Life Sucks This vacuum is perfect for picking up the pieces of my broken life. After my wife left me, I lost my job, an isolated earthquake struck my house, and my kids tried to burn down what was left of my house with me inside to collect life insurance, I really didn’t know what to do. At first I thought I might go all Michael Douglas in Falling Down , but the...